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Colbert Nation/DallasCowboyFan
DALLAS COWBOY FAN A poster on Colbertnation.com. DallasCowboyFan, or DCF as he is sometimes known, is the resident football guru and expert. He is an avid fan of the Dallas Cowboys, the best team in the NFL and the favorite franchise of God himself, and is convinced that one day the Cowboys will once again rise to their former glory and hoist the Lombardi Trophy. He has been known as the ultimate Dallas Cowboy Fan since his accident in a chemical factory in Irving, Texas. This accident changed the way he looked forever. To this day noone knows what DCF looked like before the accident accept for himself. He refuses to reveal it because it brings up painful memories of the accident. THE ACCIDENT One day as DCF was touring a chemicals plant down in Irving, Texas he tripped as he walked across a catwalk sending him tumbling over the side. He landed in a large vat of a blue chemical. The chemical immidiatly began to burn at him and the last thing he thought before he passed out was "I'll never see another Cowboy game." Luckily he was wrong. DCF awoke in a hospital to find that the chemical had done something to his body. He had been changed into the true Dallas Cowboy Fan. The chemical had reacted with his final thoughts and changed him into a being whos only thoughts centered around the Dallas Cowboys. The chemical had changed him so much that he no longer eats for energy. Instead he stands at mid fiel and absorbs the glory coming off of Texas Stadium. This nourishes him and keeps him alive. It is not yet fully known how much change the chemical has caused. It has been speculated that DCF has become immortal and will remain alive as long as the Cowboys exist but this has not yet been proven. DCF After the Accident Weaknesses DCF is knows for having a strong weakness to the color red. Red, the color of the evil Washington Redskins, masks the glory of Texas Stadium which can have damaging physical effects. Effects include bleeding from the eyes, paralysis, temporary deafness, hallucinations and inhibited breathing. It is thought that extreme exposure to long-term and concentrated doses of red could be fatal. When exposure to the color red is ineveitable DCF will occasionally put on his power suit which stores a limited supply of Texas Stadium glory allowing him to survive even the most lethal of red doses. The Birth of Doppelganger DCF Recently, DCF was exposed to near lethal levels of red. This concentrated dose scrambled DCF's DNA creating an evil twin of himself. Doppelganger DCF is the exact opposite of the real DCF. He loves the Washington Redskins and when exposed to red he does not become weaker but stronger. Doppelganger DCF wears a power suit that is capable of shooting short, concentrated bursts of red energy. He intends to use the capabilities of this suit to destroy the real DCF and take over everything in his life. Doppelganger DCF's only weakness is the color blue. It is not as lethal to him as red is to DCF but it does temporarily weaken him so that more conventional means of attack can be used. It takes an concentrated shot of blue energy to weaken the doppelganger. He will not be affected by normal exposures to blue. A Question For the Future In the year 2006 the Dallas Cowboys revealed that they would build a new stadium and demolish Texas Stadium. This created quite a problem for DCF who gets nourishment from the glory of Texas Stadium. This announcment raises the question of whether or not DCF will be able to feed off of the glory of the new stadium. Will he be able to survive without Texas Stadium? It is a question that will be answered in time.